Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
