I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
