i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
