census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
