Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
