OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize