It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
