next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Are we still banned from the library?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
