Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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