i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
