By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize