i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
