she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
