I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
