I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
someone owes me an orgasm
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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