So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
barbara walters just said penis...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
