It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
