No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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