the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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