No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I am mentally ready for anal.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
