I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
