He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
