People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
