I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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