we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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