I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Couch. On fire.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
