im six kinds of drunk right now
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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