this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
