for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
