He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
