if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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