I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
