Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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