You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
