Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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