so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
