At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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