You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
