Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
