So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize