i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
