I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
