Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
