Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize