i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
