i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
