Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
