just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
