You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
