I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
