Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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