I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
