it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
