My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just high enough for therapy.
50% drunk capacity currently
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
