she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
