It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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