Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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