God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
