Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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