reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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