I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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