is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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