But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
