just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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