Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
