oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
