You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
