i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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