My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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