she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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